Note: I randomly split this into little chunks, just to be easier on the eyes.

Final Fantasy IV in a Nutshell

by Iris Amergin

Cecil: Killing innocent people sucks.

King: You're fired. Take this package to Mist.

Cecil: Gee, it's a big dragon!

Computer: Do not attack when mist or breath will freeze you!

Kain: Huh?

Cecil: I think that's the badly translated AI trying to give us a hint.

Dragon: Ow...croak.

Rydia: You killed my mommy! You suck! TITAN!

Titan: Rar!

Cecil: Ow, that was one mother of an earthquake. And where the heck is Kain?

Soldier: Die!

Cecil: Die!

Rydia: OK, nevermind, you don't suck.

Tellah: Hello! I am a clueless old man who is trying to interrupt my daughter's attempt to find true love! Now we shall fight Octomamm!

Octomamm: Rar!

Cecil: Die!

Tellah: Oh no! Damcyan has been bombed and...ANNA! Ah-ah! You spoony bard! (I love that line...)

Anna: Don't hurt my boyfriend!...oops, I die now.

Edward: Waaah!

Tellah: You suck.

Rydia: Quit being a wuss.

Cecil: Let's go get the SandRuby!

Antlion: Rar!

Edward: Aah!

Rydia: Yah! We did it!

Rosa: Thanks for curing my fever! Now, I will tag along with you because I am a lovestruck obsessive dweeb!

Cecil: Well, okay then!

Rydia: Here we are at Mount Hobs. I'll have a brief emotional crisis, then melt the ice! FIRE1!

Cecil: Look, a boss!

MommBomb: Rar!

Yang: Achoo!

Edward: Gesundheit!

Cecil: We must stop Golbez from attacking Fabul and stealing the crystals!

Monsters: Rar!

Kain: Rar!

Cecil: What the @$#%?

Golbez: I hypnotized him! In case you didn't guess, I am the villain! Now you die! And just for fun, I'll kidnap your girlfriend!

Rosa: Eek!

Cecil: You suck!

King: Take this boat to Baron! Oh, and have a sword too.

Edward: Whoa! I'm overboard!

Rydia: Gee, me too!

Yang: Wait for me!

Cecil: You all suck. How did I end up on this beach?

Elder: Go become a paladin or that temperamental black wizard outside will turn you into a frog. And take these annoying kids with you.

Palom: Hi, we're here to spy on you!

Porom's fist: POW!

Cecil: What's Tellah doing here?

Tellah: Joining you!

Palom: Adults suck.

Light: Justice is not the only right and blah blah blah. Have a sword.

Tellah: Dude, I learned Meteo! And my maximum MP is too low to cast it!

Elder: Back to Baron with you!

Cecil: Let's have a drink in this peaceful relaxing cafe!

Yang: Rar!

Cecil: Dammit, don't you remember me?

Yang: Oops, sorry.

Cecil: Look, it's Baigan! Even though he kicked me out, I'm treating him like a friend because I'm hopelessly naive and trusting!

Baigan: Nice to see you again...rar!

King: Hi, I'm really Kainazzo...rar!

Cecil: Oops, we're gonna die!

Palom & Porom: STONE!

Cecil: Aight, nevermind.

Cid: This is my airship! Ain't she a beaut?

Kain: Gimme the crystal or Rosa gets it!

Cecil: NOOO!!!....by the way, you suck.

Cecil: Gee, even though giving Golbez the Crystal of Earth will probably condemn the world to darkness, I guess I have no choice, because my girlfriend is the important thing! Let's go to Toroia!

Guard: Eew...men...well, I guess we have to let them in.

Cleric: Uh, sorry. The Dark Elf has the crystal, but you can go get it for us!

Cecil: Er...okay. Hey, look, Edward's alive!

Edward: Here, take my harp.

Dark Elf: MWAH HA HA! NOW YOU DIE!

Harp: Tra la la!

Dark Elf: AUGHH! You suck!

Cecil: Well, here's the crystal! Let's go hand it over to the bad guys!

Golbez: Ooh, thanks. But I was kidding. You don't get your girl back.

Cecil: You suck!

Tellah: METEO!

Golbez: Ow! I'm leaving, you bullies!

Cid: Oh no. The old nag seems to be dead.

Cecil: But Kain is sane again and we're getting Rosa back, so it's okay!

Valvalis: I think not! Die!

Kain: Take this! And put on some actual clothing while you're at it, wench!

Valvalis: You suck!

Cecil: Well, I guess the world is doomed.

Kain: No, luckily there are four more crystals.

Cecil: Dang. I was hoping the game was over now.

Kain: Well, there're these crystals we need to find, and ah, they're underground.

Cid: How? Dig a hole?

Kain: Well, there's this rock here, and you're supposed to do something with it.

Cecil: Let's go to Agart and chuck it in the well.

Rosa: How did you ever guess?

Cecil: It's in the instruction manual. Wow, look, it worked! Let's go in!

Giott: Welcome to the Dwarf Castle, lali-ho!

Cid: I'm leaving! Later!

Yang: Hey! There's someone in the walls!

Kain: And we've been locked behind the throne room.

Rosa: Dolls? What were the programmers ON?

Calbrena: Die! Yiphohoho!

Golbez: Die!

Rydia: Not!

Golbez: You suck. Ta ta!

Cecil: Dang, we screwed up AGAIN!

Giott: Go to the Tower of Bab-il and get it back then, baka!

Cecil: Right! We'll do it!

Dr. Lugae: Argh! Now you die! Balnab!

Balnab: Grr! *explodes*

Dr. Lugae: You suck. But I'm gonna blow up the dwarves!

Cecil: You suck! What are we gonna do?

Yang: Leave it to me! AUGH!

Kain: We seem to be falling.

Cid: I'll save you! AUGH!

Cecil: ...This all sucks. Can we save the world yet?

Engineer: Here's your new and improved airship!

Eblan guard: Can you go chase down our prince, please?

Edge: Die, Rubicant!

Rubicant: Ha!

Edge: You suck.

Cecil: Why don't you come with us?

Edge: Girls? Sign me up!

Queen Eblan: Edge!

King Eblan: We shall kill you!

Queen: Oh, nevermind, we're sane now. Bye.

Edge: Graaaagh! (Doesn't this game have some of the best screams of all time?)

Rosa: *sniffle*

Edge: You suck, Rubicant! Now we fight!

Rubicant: Ow...I die now.

Cecil: Oops, we fell into a trap.

Edge: Let's steal this airship and go. But it's a bad one!

Cid: I'll fix it!

Kain: Weren't you dead?

Cid: Well, I got better.

Cecil: Now we can go to all those other places!

Yang: ...

Leviatan: Grr! Wow! You're tough!

Asura: Well, uh, you can call us...but not between 4 and 5 pm, 'k?

Cecil: Well, we'd better get that crystal now.

Edge: Die, you stupid trapped wall!

Golbez: Hey Kain, I'm not done hypnotizing you yet.

Kain: Ten four, supreme evil overlord sir! I steal crystal!

Cecil: You SUCK.

Cid: I'll put a drill on the ship for ya!

Cecil: Let's go see the Elder!

Elder: We will now pray for a big poorly-named ship to appear and carry you to the moon, where your destiny awaits!

FuSoYa: Yo! Let's go save the world!

Giant: Grr!

Rydia: Screeeam!

FuSoYa: We must destroy the computer!

Rosa: Why are there supercomputers in this fantasy world? I mean, we don't even have guns.

Computer: BEEP! (translated: You suck.)

Golbez: You suck...no, wait, I've been had. I suck. Sorry. Later!

Kain: Hi! I swear, I'm on your side this time!

Edge: You suck.

Rosa: Stoppit!

Cecil: Let's go to the moon! Oh, and Rosa, Rydia...you're not wanted. Scram.

Rydia: You suck.

Kain: Well, we're here, and the girls ignored you, so let's go.

Various monsters who guard nifty stuff: Rar! You suck!

Cecil: Now that we have all this nifty stuff, let's save the world!

Golbez: Die Zemus!

Zemus: Rar!

Everyone: OW! You suck!

Everyone on Earth: Wish pray wish pray wish...

Cecil: Hmm. I seem to be alive. Now you die!

Rydia: Hmm. We're alive.

Cecil: Now I shall use the crystal...

Zeromus: Behold my TRUE FORM!

Everyone: Hi-yaa!

Zeromus: You suck.

Golbez: Um, I'm gonna go live on the moon. Later.

Porom: Palom, you suck.

Edge: Rydia's a fox!

Rydia: Back to normal life...

Edward: Let's build the castle!

Giott: Let's build the castle.

Kain: I'll just stay here and brood.

Cid: Get your butt down to your wedding, Cecil!

Everyone: Yay! We're all gonna live happily ever after!

Person playing game: But I want to play some more. You suck.